Thursday, November 25, 2010

It is with a heavy heart that I write this post. From the sounds of it, my mom likely only has a few days to live.
Katheryn called from the care center. Mom's breathing is really irratic, shallow and with long gaps between. She is sore all over now, and not just her legs. They have to give her liquid morphine ( in addition to the longer lasting morphine she is now on 24/7) before they try to change the depends, because the liquid morphine gives quick short term relief of pain. But even on both, she cries out in agony to be moved at all.
David was with Kathy. He was with his mom when she died a few years ago. He said that what mom is doing tonight is what his mom did, 2-3 days before she died. And I remember, that the day that we had Jack moved to Saundra's (because I was joining Kim on a Sysop trip) he was also in great pain to be moved at all. That was the day before he died.

I will go and probably stay the whole day with mom tomorrow. I am sure that mom won't be aware that I am even there...she couldn't say really anything yesterday...And Katheryn says that she didn't acknowledge at all that she was even aware that they were there tonight. Yesterday, she could still drink from a cup. Today she can't. She is having trouble breathing and swallowing at times and Katheryn says that she heard a bit of the death rattle. I am losing her soon, until I join her...so I would like to be with her while I can.

It is such an emotional tug of war in me. I hate to see her suffer, and she is suffering. She hasn't had quality of life for many years. I know she needs to go, and have praying for her release from her miserable existance since August. But while I know it needs to happen, my heart is still breaking because I am losing my mom! This is going to be HARD!

Anyway, I thought you should know. If you want to go say your goodbyes you can. She will probably not be able to acknowledge that you are even there. But it might help you to let go of her, and not have regrets later about not having done it.

Brigham, the Nelson tribe and BJ, we missed ya today. Brigham I hope you get better soon! Love you all. MUCH! And I am surely grateful for Kim who can hold me and kiss me while I cry.

1 comment:

Chad said...

We'll be over some time this morning (after it's light) to visit her and say good-bye. I believe it makes their passing easier.