Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Blogging to calm down

I don't really have the time to blog right now, but I'm going to nevertheless in order to try to release some tension and calm down.

As I was telling Steve tonight at dinner, with my most recent change in meds my mood has gone from extreme grumpiness to an I-can't-take-it-anymore type of very emotional mood. I'm sure that it doesn't help that I'm trying to pack for a 2 week trip by tomorrow. Packing is complicated with very expensive meds that require refrigeration that I'm stressing if I should put in checked luggage or carry-ons. I'm stressed over flights for both Steve and myself that absolutely must be on-time or it will cause me to miss appointment that are crucial to this surrogacy. I could go on, but I'll get on with my story.

So after taking Steve to the airport I drove my 2 sleeping girls home and carried them in to their beds. Then I went back out to my car and loaded up my arms with the dolls, bears, and sippy cups that accumulate in our back seat of our car. I carried them in and dumped them on the floor. As it hit the floor a very very large black-widow spider dashed from amongst the dolls towards our couch. I summoned every drop of courage within me and smashed it before it could escape. It was large enough I felt it pop. I've never had such a severe case of the heebie-jeebies before. I called Steve and succeeded in not crying and talked to him for about 10 minutes twice. He told me I needed to vacuum the car. So, although I certainly did not have the time, I did. Although it was 103 degrees out there as I did it I had chills and goosebumps. I honestly almost called my hometeacher to have them do it for me because I didn't feel like I could handle it.
Since then I've been too upset to do anything productive. I showered in an attempt to calm down, and now I'm blogging.
I'm trying to convince myself that the only reason this is all so hard and traumatic is these darn medications. I'm not an I-can't-do-this type of person. I just need to calm down and get back to work.
Ok, blog done. Back to work.

3 comments:

Marilyn said...

I am sorry you were traumatized! Yes, that was way too close for comfort, hormonal or not! Do you leave the windows open in your car? If so, I amsure you won't be any more! And it sounds like you would welcome prayers for your airline to be on time or early, if anyone wants to help in prayer with me! Sorry your struggling. But it will all be worth it...so hang in there, kido.

Erica said...

Whoa. I'd be freaked out too. You're amazing. In just a few days everything will be calmed down. You can do this! :)

Gramps said...

As I'm sure you know better than I, medications can mess with your mind. (I *wish* I had that excuse!). Anyone would be freaked out over carying a black widow spider in with kid toys & clothes. I sure would. Can't wait until you get here so you can just relax and chill for a couple of days.