Thursday, April 05, 2007

It's never too early to start planning. I've been working on my own obituary for a while now and believe I have it finished. I want you folks to use this when I kick the bucket. I should leave enough money to cover the cost. How better to be remembered for who I am than by having this in my great-grandchildren's genealogy books:

Kim LaVar Groneman, who always thought life was far too serious, would like to take this oppportunity to inform my family, friends, enemies, and people that just like to read obituaries, that I died [date] of [whatever] My last moments were spent thinking about my wife Marilyn and other family members and wondering who would celebrate my leaving. I gotta say I love my wife. It always brought a smile to my face and my heart beat a little faster when she entered a room and who knows if that didn't contribute to such an early demise. (That and the chocolate, bacon, butter and other things that make life worth living.) My legacy is my children; Christa, Chad, Cambrie, Brett and Breanna, and grandchildren who provided the joy in my life along with a good amount of sinful pride. I was never shy of sharing my opinion and people always knew what I was thinking, much to the dismay of my good wife. "I was often wrong but never in doubt." I also tried to bring a smile to people's faces and was thrilled whenever someone actually laughed at my lame attempts at humor. There is no viewing nor funeral planned, just a graveside service at the Highland City Cemetery, [date/time]. Instead I've directed my family to bury me and get that bit out of the way, then throw a party celebrating my life with lots of food (including funeral potatoes provided by the relief society) and talk about camping, arrowhead hunting, ATV riding, and what those lousy democrats are doing to our country, held at [location] [time]. I was born in March 1955 for those of you who like to do obituary age comparisons and say "wow, he was younger than I am".

9 comments:

Chad Groneman said...

You'd best leave a little extra money to cover the cost of a lengthy obit... don't they limit you to 100 words or something like that?

Christa said...

Very nice, Dad. It must feel good to have that out of the way. Is your plague getting better finally or is that what got you started thinking about obituaries?

Kim said...

Chad, that's why I said I'll leave money to cover it. If a newspaper limits the size, they don't deserve my business [harumph!] Christa, just getting old and feeble got me started thinking about it. That and the fact I don't want to live to a ripe old age. Things that are too ripe begin to stink & bother the people around them.

Chad Groneman said...

Oh, I thought you were talking about the cost of kicking the bucket. That line there makes more sense now.

Kim said...

Christa, another thing that got me thinking about it is yer mom's genealogy project where she's gathering obituaries for dead relatives. I want mine to stand out. :-)

Marilyn said...

Inspirin', aint it?

Cambrie said...

wow dad-- you'd better ask mom if she'll actually put it in the paper.

Kim said...

It's my desire. I can only hope it's honored.

Marilyn said...

yeah, he wants to be propped under a tree in Canyonlands and left there when he dies too.