A tale of two Brians

So I guess there are 300 million people in the USA now. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starting to feel a bit crowded. So I got to thinking. If we got rid of all those obnoxious liberals we’d be down to 150 million, then get rid of all the illegal immigrants: 140 million. Next lets take out all the grandma drivers and maniac drivers along with anyone who has any piercing on their face or tattoos: 50 Million. Eliminate people who like pineapple on their pizza or their stake still mooing and we’re down to 20 million. Then get rid of people who don’t appreciate country music, anyone who likes cats, gays, and people who leave their Christmas lights up all year round: 5 million. Take out people who paint themselves for football games, anyone who says “like” more than a normal person should, and those obnoxious Texans who think they’re special: 1 million. Then eliminate the polygamists, the granolas and tree huggers, and the people who play their music so loud that everyone’s car in the intersection is vibrating: down to 500,000. Take out people who don’t appreciate Sour Straws and orange rolls, all the Californians who wear hats/scarves when it gets down to 50 degrees, all the teenagers who are too cool to wear a coat when it’s 20 degrees, anyone who doesn’t have an email address yet, people who don’t use their blinker, and people who leave their blinker on: 25,000. Next lets eliminate all those who believe that Saltine crackers will fix all nausea during pregnancy or that nausea is “all in your head”, all community college students who don’t have a major, anyone who says “American Fark”, and people who use cell phones on airplanes when they think the stewardess isn’t looking: 10,000. Lastly, get rid of people whose lives would fall apart if they didn’t have their palm pilot, anyone who wears socks with sandals or white socks with dress pants, people with mullets or comb-overs, all drama teachers, people who like the movie Howard’s End, anyone who would rather have root beer than cheese cake, and fat biker dudes with long pony-tails. That leaves…. Let’s see…..crunching numbers….. aha…. It leaves just me and Jacob. Jacob and I are all- Americans. that would get rid of the overcrowding!!